Beer can pyramids and cougar fight

John Belushi in "Animal House" (Universal Studios, 1978)

 I briefly played football in college. I was recruited from a smash-mouth 3A catholic high school football team playing in northwest Iowa. Our conference was tough, but this was our year. We went 9-0 in the regular season. Our running back was All-State and several of us linemen were all-conference and recruited by smaller division II colleges. I got a full ride deal from an NAIA school and was recruited as a defensive noseguard, mostly on the strength of my foot speed and lateral mobiility. When I got to college I went crazy. I joke that my major was beer can pyramid building with a minor in head-butting. (Not really joking) Needless to say, despite good performances on the field, a very low GPA is probably not going to maintain a scholarship. Idiot.

After moving everything I owed in the back of a white Ford Pinto to Colorado Springs, I secured employment with a roofing company. (This was actually my 2nd job in Colorado. My first job as a gravel pit night watchman ended at 3am one night when two cougars engaged in a fight outside my shack, pinning me inside for 2 hours).

In my 2nd job I had been lucky enough to be given the opportunity to shovel gravel out of the back of a dump truck into a hopper all day, everyday. When I complained about my talents being wasted shoveling rock, I was afforded the opportunity to smear 42,000 square feet of roof flashing with plastic roofing cement. Have you ever seen this stuff? Its made from tar and comes in 5 gallon buckets. There is no humanly way possible to not be covered in this stuff from head to toe. I used gasoline to scrub it off before I could get back in the crew truck, for the dope smoke filled ride back with this bunch of miscreants.

Bill Murray in "Stripes" (Columbia Pictures, 1981)

That's when I decided to visit a local military recruiters office.